We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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