He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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