ya dads aren't the best wingmen
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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