Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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