I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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