I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
there was a trapeze. enough said
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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