Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
