Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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