Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
