just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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