I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
