I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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