I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
