You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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