so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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