do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
