We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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