They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
