It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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