so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
