Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Oh god it's open bar.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
