After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
