I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
they're like a gay fantastic four
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
