Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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