Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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