I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
grandma shit on top of the toilet
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
