need another drink. this is the easiest way
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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