I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
