so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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