Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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