Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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