forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
