Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My pussy is not your playground.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
