do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
