I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
