i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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