my mouth tastes like poor choices
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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