I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
and she was petting her beer can
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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