I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
