im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
