Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
