i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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