I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm like, not good at living.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
