Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
