Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
