You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
