the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
