Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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