I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
