Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
