JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
This is the prime rib incident all over again
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
